My Very First Tag

I was Tagged by Umslopagas. and this is officially my first

favourite Colour: Black

Favourite Perfume (Guys) : Don't have one

Favourite Perfume (Girls) : Huge Deep Red

Favourite PJ brand: don't use them

Favourite Clothes Brand: don't have a fav, but if i have to, then it's esprit .

Favourite Person in the Entire World: Someone from my Family

Favourite Country: Spain

Favourite Car: BMW

Favourite Sport: I don't like sports

Favourite Sports Player: -

Favourite Spot in the World: My Bed

Favourite Animal: Horse

Favourite Movie: an interview with a vampire

Favourite Singer: Don't have any at the moment

Favourite Day of the Week: Thursday .

Favourite time of the day: Dawn if am awake and outside, or else Night

Favourite holiday season: Christmas (it's not exactly an official Holiday Season in egypt)

Favourite number: 2

Favourite food: Pizza

Favourite chocolate: Dark ones

Favourite Cartoon:The Last Unicorn

Favourite Blogger: Um

Favourite Icecream Flavour: Mucha / chocolate/lemon.

Favourite Mobile Brand: Nokia

Favourite Name: Zaen

Favourite Hobby: Reading / Music

Favourite Room in my House: My room

Favourite Fruit: Apples

Favourite Flower: dunno flowers names

Favourite Qur'an Reciter: dunno names

Favourite Ayah: Won't type it in English

Favourite Website: Google


I tag, zeepuppet and batates_777 :D ,

Grown Up!

I have the blessing (sometimes the curse) of looking like a little child, and I suspect that's the way it will always be. People easily mistake me for a school girl. Sometimes it gets irritating with people being so shocked when I say that I don't go to school or College and that I work and I've been working for five years.

Today I looked to my image reflected in the mirror all dressed up with the Vogue sunglasses and the styled hair. and all I saw was a young girl, pretending to be a grown up. I've always blamed my good genes , I got it from both side of the family. but today i find it necessary to cast the blame on myself. before demanded to be taken seriously I should take myself more serious. I should stop viewing myself, as a Kid, should stop convincing myself that my life haven't started yet. most importantly should stop thinking along the lines "when I grow up I will ....."
I might Look young but I could easily stop feeling so young.
I know in my heart I will never do. I will die thinking that my life hadn't start yet, thinking that when I grow up I will do .... important stuff.

Obsession

I am an obsessive personality , it's something most people miss about me. Mainly because I hide it. sometimes close people see hints of that , they don't know that everytime I mention/do something and it seems a little bit obsessive to them that I probably thought at least dozen times about talking about/doing it, but stopped myself. what torment me the most is the thoughts they refuse to leave my brain they go back and forth for what seems at times forever. you can never control your thoughts. my obsession had always seemed harmless, if you didn't count the constant headache and always getting lost in thoughts (and looking it).
but lately that idea slowly crept to my mind, what if I lost one of my parents or both of them?
It's a cliche every 5 years old that experience death in the family ask him/herself that question at night before going to sleep. maybe that's why i never tried to stop that though. I simply use to say that I'll manage and it can't help to dwel about it now. they will go when it's there time to , hopefully that won't be for a very Long time.
slowly but steadily this answer started not to be enough, what if I lost them both in the same day? apperantly the odds of that is higher than I've ever imagined. so the fear started to get bigger and bigger till it started to swallow me inside, at first it was sometimes , then more often , then every waking moment now it even haunt me in my dreams, I dream of their death daily, I cry when I am alone. It starting to feel very creepling. as usual NO ONE knows about these fears.
I know that we shouldn't let the fear of death stop us from leaving and I know that people die when it's there time to go, nothing can change that, I know that we as human can cope to death better than we think we can. I know all the cliches and I know that they are cliches becasue most of them are correct. but that can't stop the tears or the nasuea or the fear.
I don't know if being obesseive is the reason , why a normal fear, is turning in to phobia or is it something else. but all I know is that am scared, funny how I don't fear my own death like that.

The Way I view myself

every one of us has a self image, not only a physical one but also about the way we are. some people think of themselves as relaxed, angry or whatever. but usually that's not the people's same perspective.
I've been shocked lately with the fact that People perceive me so differently from the way i perceive myself, and I think they are mistaken I am not what they think , I am not too serious, unemotional , snob, uptight, cold and cruel person. I am light-hearted, shy, nice, hot-tempered person who has a sense of humor.
sometimes I realize why people perceive me in a certain way. like how they mistake the fact that I am shy with the fact that I am a snob.
but other times it comes totally unpredicted and it bothers me. someone once said that it feels good to be not understood to feel like the lonely lost soul in the world. but I don't like how that feels. i have to admit that I am lonely, sad and misunderstood. I once was told that I would always feel that alone because i like to drive people away.DO I ? Maybe I do? or Maybe I simply want them to try a little harder. I want to feel appreciated, I like to feel people I care about intruding into my life. but maybe I am making too hard , maybe I am asking too much from people.
I am drifting away from the original point of the post I seem to be doing that a lot.
but I still have things unsaid that's why I won't end it here, I'll try to get back on track.
Sometimes I think the difference in the way i view myself and the way people view my is so huge because I am not Honest with either.
99% of what I say is BS that i don't mean. but 99% of people around me don't seem to know that simple fact and the 1% that does don't know what to think anymore.
I think I've been lying to myself for a long time 2. That is the main reason of this blog it's an attempt to be honest , with my self and with people around me. that why I am staying anonymous , as much as i can. that's why i am keeping minimal personal stories, but i am human so sometimes I would give in to the pleasure of reminiscing.
on a final note I bet every psychotic, crazed SOB had uttered the words I am just a lonely lost soul in this world, I am just misunderstood.


P.s I didn't draw this I ripped it off from www.dva.gov.au/health/menshealth/04_bloke.htm
Thanx to Google search

Happy Christmas ??

First of all,
I'd like to wish you all
Happy Eid
Merry Christmas
Happy Hanukkah and
Happy New Year.

How come Christmas, is the only holiday that gets a Merry not Happy .

anyways Christmas is nearly here, it the shopping season, it's the season to be jolly.

I am a huge junkie of Christmas movies, they are just so damn... Happy. I've been called a lot of things in my life but happy is definitely not one of them. but somehow the Christmas spirit ALWAYS gets the best of me
I'll leave you with my all time favorite Christmas song

Deck the halls with boughs of holly,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

'Tis the season to be jolly,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Don we now our gay apparel,

Fa la la, la la la, la la la.

Toll the ancient Yule tide carol,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

See the blazing Yule before us,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Strike the harp and join the chorus.

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Follow me in merry measure,

Fa la la, la la la, la la la.

While I tell of Yule tide treasure,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Fast away the old year passes,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Hail the new, ye lads and lasses,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Sing we joyous, all together,

Fa la la, la la la, la la la.

Heedless of the wind and weather,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Schizophrenia is not Multiple Personality disorder

This is a piece of information I've known for a long time now, just like that Frankenstein was the name of the doctor not the monster. but still, I think it has something to do with that everyone gets it wrong they wouldn't get me if i got it right, and I thought I was above that.
Usually I am above the hype everyone who knows me will tell you i am different, not necessarily unique, just different ,i sometimes yearn to be like everyone else, so maybe that's my shout toward norm! and yet again maybe not.
I am so off topic, i need a map. LOL. anyhow I Once wrote post named A message to the OTHER in it i wondered whether i am Schizophrenic or not i should have wonder whether i have Multiple Personality disorder at least that what i meant.
I think I really am Schizophrenic, one of the huge symptoms is delusions and hallucinations , I am a master of Hallucinations and delusions, I've watched the Trueman show , and ever since then i have this theory that says that Like Trueman there are people who are watching me and taping it on a secret TV, does that sound crazy? My other totally beliefe that and always suppress these ideas as fast as they pop out, well i have my reasons once when I was 12 I was sent flowers that didn't say who sent them, then later on in various occasions people actually knew who i am and i had no idea who they were, it's like am a small town celebrity except i don't live in a small town and there is no reason why i should be a celebrity.
I've never said that to anyone before, I might be crazy but the other is DULL. which you think is worst!

I Know

Sometimes you can glance at something and just know for a fact what will happen next, you keep an open mind, claim you'll take your chances. All the while you just now it won't go on, but you play along, waiting for the charde to be over, and when it does, you smirk and say "I already knew,"